INTRODUCTION
Things that must be realized
a) must have an open mind on the subject matter
b) do not be defensive and do not make excuses
c) must have a positive attitude ( take the stand of the giver than the receiver)
d) must be willing to pay the price to keep relationship with spouse healthy
Opportunity cost – the cost of an alternative that must be forgone in order to pursue a certain action or in other words, the benefits you could have received by taking an alternative action.
N.B. TO LEARN AND NOT TO DO IS REALLY NOT TO LEARN: whatever you learn you must practice. (Parable of the Sower)
5 PRINCIPLES
Quality time is (1) – Giving Someone Your Undivided Attention/Focused Attention
a)
This is where opportunity cost come in. To spend time with your spouse you have to give something that is of value, something that can be painful to give up …..
b) you can’t be hitting two birds with one stone – spend time with spouse while doing something else. Don’t conserve time and energy when it comes to spending quality time with partner.
Quality time is (2) – Doing Things Together –
Activity is the vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness. Doing things together communicates that we care about each other, we enjoy being together, that we like doing things together.
One may sacrifice doing something that he/she may not like to please the other. Seeing your partner happy and satisfied is worth the sacrifice. You might learn to enjoy the activity as wellJ
Activity may involve sports, eating at a fancy restaurant, going on a picnic, walking by the beach or park etc.
Quality time includes (3) – Quality Conversation-
It involves sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly and uninterrupted context.
Quality Conversation vs Words of Affirmation: Quality Conversation focuses on what you are hearing while Words of Affirmation focuses on what you are saying.
In quality conversation, you focus on drawing you spouse out, listening sympathetically (not judging whether he/she is right or wrong), ask question with genuine desire to understand his/her thoughts, feelings or hopes. You are not to make solutions to your espouses problems (unless he/she implies that you do) but to listen sympathetically to what he/she is saying.
What she needs is your understanding, that you are with her, that you understand her struggles, the stress and pressure he/she is going through.
Practical Tips on Developing the Art of Listening:
Maintain eye contact – to keep you from wandering and communicates that you are listening and he/she has you full attention.
Don’t listen and do something else
Listen for feelings
Observe body language
Refuse to interrupt ( this may require patience and self control
Quality Time is (4) – require’s Self Revelation
To learn the language of “self revelation,” one needs to get in touch with his feelings. This may be very difficult for some because it can be interpreted as weakness. Remember though that emotions are neither good or bad. They are just psychological responses to the events in life in which we may base our decisions on which actions to take.
Minimum daily requirement: Talk about three things that happened to you on that day and how you feel about them.
Quality Time is (5) – Quality Activities:
It may include anything which one or both of you have an interest. The emphasis is not on “what you are doing” but on “why you are doing it.”
The purpose is to experience something together, to walk away from it feeleing “He/she cares about me.” “He is willing to do something with me that I enjoy and he did it with a positive attitude.”
One of the by-products of quality time is that they provide a “memory bank” from which they would draw in the years ahead.
CONCLUSION
One may ask, “Where do we find time for such activities, especially if both have vocations outside home?”
Answer: MAKE TIME just as we make time for lunch or dinner. Remember “Quality time is for Relationship just as Food is for Health.”
Covey said “Time Management” is a misnomer, the challenge is not to “Manage Time” but to “Manage Ourselves.”
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